I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
