Dude i fell asleep inside of her
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk