i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
