I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
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I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.