I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
