guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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