Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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