guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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