no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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