i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
