Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
