I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
