she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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