and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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