omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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