My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
