Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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