She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
