Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.