and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.