The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped