i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!