Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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