i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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