No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
