I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
