Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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