Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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