I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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