That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
