I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
