Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
