Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
