yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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