Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize