if i can run in heels then i can drive
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
foreskin is a definite game changer
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
