The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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