my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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