My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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