Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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