I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
