In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
