My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
