don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
