I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
