and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
