Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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