I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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