ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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