So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
