when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is that strawberry winking at me??
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
