; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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