I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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