Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
