you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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