If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
