I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
