Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
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Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
that is very illegal...i love you.
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