If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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