I could make wine with my vomit
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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