this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
