Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
