I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
