It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
