We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
