This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
