i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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