Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
