Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
