I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
