Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
50% drunk capacity currently
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
